I’ve had a few false starts, trying to get back to blogging - casting off into beautifully calm water, then being forced back by a sudden storm. But now - yes - now, I think I’m ready to set off towards blogland once again.
You see, I had a blog for many years - The Barefoot Crofter. It was a minor success, in that people liked it and left appreciative comments. It started off as a garden progress blog, evolved into home and family, and then documented our move into crofting and island life.
But then, everything changed.
My husband became ill and died within the space of a year. I wrote about this part of our journey too - right to the inevitable end and beyond into those first few months of widowhood. It was incredibly helpful to do this.
In those early months, the blog became a touchstone for me as I thrashed around in the turmoil of grief. Being able to write about the garden, or seasonal recipes was hugely comforting. But soon enough I felt the need to withdraw my energy from it - to focus inwards as I attempted to come to terms with what had happened, and who I even was.
I’m not sure I’m any closer to resolving these issues, three and a half years on, but I’m a lot more comfortable just sitting with the questions.
I thought I was ready to blog again a couple of years ago, and tried to reinstate The Barefoot Crofter. It was no use. Maybe it was too soon, but I just couldn’t reintegrate the widowed me with the woman who wrote that blog. I couldn’t make the connection.
But I miss writing.
Although I haven’t actually stopped. I’ve been keeping some very intense journals since my bereavement. Really personal - deep and dark. Incredibly useful and I cannot imagine how I would have coped without them, But definitely not bloggable.
I think I mean that I miss writing on a given subject that someone, other than me might read.
And so, here I am.
In a new space, with a new name. I’m not sure what will emerge here. I still like the same sort of things as I always did. The same, but different, I guess. Let’s see what happens.